U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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