I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
did i walk over a car last night?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
