We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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