I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
