sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
