Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
