I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
