just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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