my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
