The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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