Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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