Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
