i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
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He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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