it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
