is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
