Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
