Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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