Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
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and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
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She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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