he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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