These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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