I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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