Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
