I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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