No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
