She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
