are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize