What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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