i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She's the barista slut.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
