I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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