the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
