Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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