did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
