this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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