u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
