Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
