I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize