After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
