I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
