My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
As shirtless as possible
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm really busy with my period
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