What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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