I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
