You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
