I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
