all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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