Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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