ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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