Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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