Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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