We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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