I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
