I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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