the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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