if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
