I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
