i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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