Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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