she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
