trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
