My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
