he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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