Duck Duck Cougar?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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