If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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