what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
