If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
