I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
