my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
