Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
