If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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